This one counts

I've started on a journey, though I'm not really sure where the trail is, or more likely, it's just not there to begin with. It requires faith and discipline, probably the two things in life that I have least of, but it's something I must do in order to become the man I'm supposed to be. This is the diary of my failures, my past, my future, the struggles and joys of my present.

Right now, I am quite aware of you, reader, but I hope over time, I will learn to shut you out and write only for me, which I think will make it much more compelling reading to be honest. You are a consideration for me now. I write with you in mind, much like I live most of my life in the consideration of others, which is what this is all about. Getting away from that "obligation." Freeing myself from the opinions of others. No more passivity. No more keeping the peace. If it is right to get angry, then I will claim it and be done. I will love with clarity and depth. I will love enough to say no with conviction. I will be a leader. I will fail spectacularly and not be ashamed. I will not abide evil when it is in my power to counter it. I will embrace my gifts, feed my creativity, and awaken the passion to put them to good use.

I've given too much of myself away. The people I love need a good man. I am too much a selfish child. I am ending that now. With the grace of God, the example of Jesus, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I will be fulfilled. I pray.