Weakness, thy name is she who is interested.

And it came to pass that on the evening of a certain weekend after a certain number of beers and no food that I did find myself in the embrace of a woman whom I knew in the friendly sense, and who wanted to know me in a sense, Biblical.

I couldn't say no. When an attractive woman throws herself at you, what are you supposed to do? I played dumb, like I didn't know what was going to happen. And granted, nothing major did happen. Everyone's pants stayed on and we didn't really get much past a PG-13 rating. But that's beside the point. I knew this woman would never be my wife, yet I allowed her to come on to me, and I allowed myself to indulge in her affections.

And practically like clockwork, a fairly significant event for me the next day got all screwed up. Everyone says that God is not really about punishment, but I'll be damned if He doesn't smack my life around a lot after I go and do something stupid. The problem is that I still haven't learned. I have a weakness for women. If she is really into me, then I'll just about do anything. I'm doing a lot better about controlling myself when it comes to physical relations, but I'm still such a pushover. My will turns to jell-o when a pretty girl wants me to do something, even if it's not something I would ever consider in the moments when she's not there.

And to complicate things even further, she is still around, albeit as a friend, nothing more. I don't really have a solid argument for why I should feel guilty, like I've cheated on her even though we're not together, but I still do. I feel that if she had been there, she would have been so hurt at what she saw.

I pray that God will take these sins away. She's so good, and I'm so weak. I need strength and the clarity to stick to my convictions. I had done quite well for quite a while, but now it seems like women are coming out of the woodwork after me, and although that's not necessarily a bad thing, I just don't know how to handle it. It's crazy. When it rains, it really f-ing pours around here. I know it's okay to date around a bit, but is a follower of Christ allowed to make out with a girl that might not end up being his spouse? What the hell?? I guarantee that there were women who would have been all over Jesus if He had allowed them to be, right? When Satan was tempting Jesus in the desert, he never said, "Just give me a high five, and the most beautiful woman in the world will be your wife." How was it that we never heard about Jesus getting hit on, even by well-meaning women. It must have happened, don't you think?

I want to know my wife. Now. I don't care if we get married ten years from now, but I just want to know who she is, so I can tell the others that I'm taken, that I'm saving everything I have for the one that's saving everything she has for me. It would be so much easier.