Someone has set us up the balls.

OK, most of this will only make sense to me, but that is good. This one is more for personal archival purposes than self-reflection for the edification and enjoyment of the masses. I had a really long, really great pep-talk/jedi council meeting with N. Charles tonight. Over four hours worth, but he really set me straight on how to deal with the situation. To catch me up to speed when I read this again in the future, last week, she revealed to me that she was dating someone.

(Should anyone else be reading this, despite my warnings above, and wonder who she is, in short, she is a close friend who was my girlfriend at one point a couple of years ago, yet we have remained close and there has been a romantic air ever since (though I feel it more for her than she for me), but she is too uncertain of how men fit into her life and thinks I'm wonderful, but is scared or uncertain about giving 'us' another shot and by the way, we are co-owners of a business and by the way, we at least talk to each other every day...so I've basically got as much chance of resolving this situation favorably as I do of summiting the Matterhorn with Crisco boots, right? "Pretty much," the audience agrees.)

Someone is of little consequence, but suffice it to say the initial revelation, though I had attempted to prepare myself for it, still wrenched my heart and threw me into a mental flat spin. My response was calm, the conversation continued on for quite a while, I don't think I came across as terribly upset, and she gave me a tender hug at the end of the night, but nonetheless, the ensuing couple of days were filled with insomnia, rumination, malnutrition, utter depression and thoughts of the what-if.

"We'll be okay letting her go," I say.
"No we won't, actually. Weren't you paying attention?" I also say.

I was comforted by the fact that I'm pretty sure things aren't going to last with Someone, and at one point over the weekend, I remember feeling empowered by the notion that I actually feel kind of sorry for her that she can't fully appreciate relationships with men. After one good night's sleep and a return to more normal dietary habits, I was feeling better today. (Thank you JuicePlus and Awakening)

Though I was better, there still existed a problems and questions. What of the business? What if she or I ends up with someone else and gets married? We both agreed the business would then end, though neither of us would be happy to see that happen. We're quite good at what we do, and our future as creative business partners is looking very good. Positive forward looking statements abound for the business, but for 'us' it's only been 'uncertain.'

Upon presenting all of this information to N. Charles, what ensued was a brilliant display of honesty and diplomacy. He told me what I needed to hear. He didn't want to see me get jerked around, and whether she knows it or not, she is jerking me around. Had I not specifically scheduled an 'open forum' style discussion with her, who knows if she would have even told me by now, nine days later. Everything about her tone, her way of presenting the information and the ensuing discussion led me to believe that she was trying to protect me, but I never thought until tonight to ask why? She knows how I'd probably react. She knows I still have feelings for her, yet she continues to aggressively pursue a business with me, so either she still has hope for 'us', she's just trying to get as much use out of me as a business partner before things go pear-shaped, or she doesn't know what she wants and is just going along for the ride. Any way you slice it, I have some things to confront her about. And so I'm going to. You'll definitely hear about how it goes...